It’s moving day!

I have officially moved into my new site. It’s all shiny and new. I just love the layout I got for it too.

I will be posting the link for it here and it will remain up. The paranoia I had about being ‘outed’ at work is gone after doing a little IP background check.

Hurry Up n Wait

Please pop by and say ‘hi’. I’d love to see you. If you have me linked on your blog, thank you for considering me worthy of your blogroll. Please update any links with my new address.


January 20, 2007 at 8:30 pm Leave a comment

Cleatus the Fetus

My doctors appointment went well. Just a quick once-over because I am not to have any internals at this point. BP’s good, heart & lungs seem to be working fine. She is referring me to the High-Risk clinic in the city I work in because of the past years miscarriages and because Cleatus seems to be using his/her placenta as a punching bag.

The ultrasound went well too. Sgt came in with me right at the start. The tech usually makes partners wait until all the measurements are done before allowing them in the room but made an exception for us. Gotta love small towns.

Cleatus is measuring about 5 cm now and the heartrate was measured at 161 bpm. Nice-lady tech printed off another photo for us. My scanner is a piece of shit and does not work well with our newer computer so to make do I tried taking some digital pictures. They are not the best but will do for now. It’s a little bright at the top from the flash I couldn’t disable … I’m a twit when it comes to crap like that.



January 15, 2007 at 6:54 pm 2 comments

This and That

I have two appointments today. One with my GP, the other with the ultrasound clinic to check on Cleatus’ placenta. Sgt will be home at 9:30 to come with me. My GP has not seen me since being released by my RE on December 19th. The last time I was pregnant I didn’t even bother to call her and set up an appointment because my beta’s were so crappy. When I was pregnant in the spring I asked her to send me to an OB as soon as she could because I had had trouble with abnormal cells on my cervix many years ago that resulted in a colcoscolpy and I wanted the best care I could get. She wouldn’t send me until I was at 30 weeks. I made it to 9/10 weeks. This visit I will insist on an OB sooner then 30 weeks, only because of the two miscarriages. I’m curious to see what she will do. 

I’ll update later when I get back.


Last week at work I had the customer from hell. I did a follow-up for this gentleman, applied PR credits to his account because another department had screwed up, and do you know what I got? I was yelled at, told our company was a mess etc, etc. I hear this sort of thing everyday but for some reason this jackass really got to me. I could feel my eyes start to well up with tears and my face flush. I’m not sure why this particular caller got to me the way he did, hormones maybe? I asked my supervisor for a few minutes to cool off because this guy has me so pissed. I have never had a caller get to me this way and it made me feel vulnerable.


The boys have a day off … freezing rain/sleet/snow has cancelled the buses. Excitement for them.

I grew up in a small town located in the Ottawa Valley. Snowdays were common. I remember the excitement, the thrill of being able to spend the day at home. My brother and I would sit next to the radio listening and praying with all our might that the announcer would call out our bus number. The joy felt when we did hear it was tangible.


It is de-lurking week my friends. I know there are several people that pop by here and I would love to know who you are. Leave a comment, say hi. It is de-lurking week after all.

January 15, 2007 at 9:06 am 1 comment

Moving day for Still Waiting …

I finally did it. I played with the css on WordPress and figured out how and what I was going to do with this blog once I move it.

My domain is set up, the codes in place. Now all there is to do is give you all the new address.

Because I want to keep the new location a bit of a secret (I think some people at work may have found me here)  I will not be publishing it here. If you would like to visit me in my new home email me at anitaATstillwaitingDOTca. Please put ‘New Home’ in the subject title so it does not end up in my Junk/Spam box and I will email you back with the address.

January 14, 2007 at 2:47 pm Leave a comment

Paranoia Perhaps?

Lately I have been thinking about moving this blog. Some searches leading people here make me believe that I have been ‘found’ by people I work with. Maybe it’s paranoia, maybe not. This has been my private place to share my thoughts and feelings while dealing with the IF in our lives and there are some things I am just not ready to share with some IRL folks.

I have two domains and my server supports WordPress. I have installed WordPress on one of the domains and have been tinkering with it most of the day. I thought it would be pretty flexible to personalize and import to. It has me frustrated.

If you have any suggestions for different Blog scripts or some words of wisdom when it comes to putting it all together myself please share. I could really use some help.

January 6, 2007 at 7:24 pm 1 comment

Wednesday Worry

I had a little spotting yesterday morning. Just enough to see a small pink smear on the toilet paper when I wiped. Most pregnant women would not get too worked up over something so small; some may not even notice it. However as an IFer I have a paranoid habit of checking every time I wipe. The freedom of wiping without worry ended for me in May with my miscarriage.

I woke up Sgt and told him I was heading over to the ER. He asked if I wanted him to come with me and I said no. I needed to go on my own.

I arrived at our ER at 7:30 am and sat waiting in to triage room. The nurse called me in; she was very kind and made me laugh with silly stories of the ER. She really helped with the tension I was feeling. She also had a giggle over the list of medications I had been on and am on now, period dates, iui dates, beta dates and levels and wished all patients were as organized when they came in. I said ‘You must not get a lot of IF people coming through the doors here.’

After triage I sat in the small waiting area for only a few minutes and was called back to the main part of the ER. The wait for the doctor wasn’t long. He popped his head in the room I was in and I could not believe my eyes. This fellow was young! Or I’m getting older. Dr. Doogie was great. Asked me a million questions and told me he had done some residency time at an ART clinic in Toronto. This explains why when I used terms like iui, progesterone suppositories and Pure*gon he didn’t blink. He said he would be right back and headed out to discuss my details with the main doctor on call. Within 5 minutes both Dr. Doogie and Dr. OnCall were in my room. Dr. OnCall asked a gazillion questions but I had to explain all of the medications I am/was on to him and their benefit. He asked if he and Dr. Doogie could perform and ultrasound with the ER’s new portable machine just to see how everything looked. Of course I said yes needing to know that everything was OK.They rolled in the machine grinning like two boys playing with their new Christmas present. I guess this machine has only come to our ER in the past few weeks and they were very excited about it. I lay back on the stretcher and listened to the play-by-play of what they were seeing. ‘Bladder .. looks very full. Did you know your bladder becomes square shaped when full Mrs. Sgt?’ ‘Over here, right ovary. Looks good … left ovary, good as well.’ ‘Dr. Dougie, do you see the triple stripping in the lining?’ This is when I pipe up and state with all of my worldly knowledge of lining stripes ‘I know a triple-strip lining is exactly what doctors love to see when trying to achieve a pregnancy. I have a great lining don’t I?’ to which they both laugh and ask if I have been given an honorary Ph.D.Then they see it … a black sac with one very active fetus. Arms and legs moving, torso twisting about. I can’t see anything because Dr. OnCall has his arm in the way. He moves the machine so I can see it all. Head, arms, legs, heartbeat. All flipping and twisting about in that little sac. Beautiful. Dr. OnCall says ‘Protocol says I am not aloud to say that I see a viable, ongoing intrauterine pregnancy, but I see a viable, ongoing intrauterine pregnancy Mrs. Sgt. Let’s get you in to the regular ultrasound room for more detailed photos.’ With that he printed off a picture for me to keep.

They get me in with the main ultrasound department 15 minutes later to take measurements. The tech I had is one of my favorites. She is the tech that confirmed my missed-miscarriage in May. She is the one that held my hand and cried with me while I looked at the screen showing the empty sac. This time she spent about 20 minutes taking pictures, measurements and commenting on how this little one was not very cooperative with all it’s jumping about. We talked about her sister who is now 39 and thinking about starting a family.

Then she turns the screen towards me and we watch the fetus, listen to the heartbeat beating at 167 and see it measuring 9w4d. Two days ahead of it’s date. More pictures for me to take home.

I head back down to the ER and wait for Dr. OnCall and Dr. Doogie to come in with all the results from the ultrasound. When they do I hear some news that sounds scary. The radiologist thinks she may have seen a small amount of blood between the placenta and the wall of the uterus. It was hard to tell because this kid wouldn’t stay still long enough to get a really clear shot. This could mean there is a placenta abruption and they want me back in 12 days for another ultrasound.I was given a list of Do’s and Don’ts which will be pretty easy to follow.

  • No skiing or tobogganing. (no problem, we have no snow.)
  • No jumping. (sorry dogs, we can’t play like we usually do for now.)
  • No contact sports such as hockey. (something I have wanted to play but don’t.)
  • No internal exams. ( *insert snarky tone* really? it’s one of my favorite exams … )
  • Do take things a bit easy and if you experience heavy bleeding, clots passing, fever, dizziness come into the ER right away. (can do boss.)
  • No sex. (which upon hearing Sgt clearly stated he wanted a second opinion.)

I was home by 10 am. It was a quiet day in our ER.So I have taken today off of work to relax and will head back in tomorrow. My supervisor is also pregnant, 6 weeks ahead of me, and was very understanding. Told me to take whatever time I needed and wished me the very best.

So for now, I have one very active fetus rolling about my uterus measuring 2.71 cm. I feel a small sense of relief I am going to grab onto that happiness and hold it close to my heart until my next ultrasound on January 15th. 

January 4, 2007 at 10:52 am 2 comments

Welcome 2007!

I have spent the past few days thinking about 2006 and all it brought into my life. It is easy to reflect on the negative moments yet somewhat difficult to find the joy 2006 held. For this reason I have decided my first post of the New Year will be on all the moments in 2006 that made me feel good … if only for a moment.

We began 2006 with our first diui. Even though it did not result in a positive beta test it gave me hope and a sense of control over adding to our family. Knowing that my boys were excited and making plans to teach their new brother or sister how to get up to no good and avoid getting caught made me laugh. 

Early spring came with our first BFP. While it did not end the way we had wanted it truly was the happiest 9 weeks I had had in a long time.

I began a new job in late March that I really enjoyed. I met new friends and learned new things. I didn’t realize how much I missed working with the public until then.

Summer brought it’s heat waves and lazy days at the lake sitting on the deck. I had spent my childhood summers there exploring the wooded areas, building forts, swimming until my entire body was wrinkled like a raisin and fishing with my dad. To be able to give that sense of freedom to my boys is something that I think every parent wants in this day and age.

My due date was coming and so was another beta. Two days before my due date was the first test, my due date was the second. Even as fear crept into my head so did happiness and once again hope. The ultrasound helped put a smile on my face and some of my fears to rest.

Now we have a brand-spankin’ new year to look forward to. One of my resolutions is to look for the positive in everything, hold on to that happiness and appreciate everything I have.

I wish you all happiness and hope in 2007. May it bring you what you need.

January 1, 2007 at 11:27 am 1 comment

Older Posts

Who’s that girl?

Me: 36, army wife and mother of two boys. Hoping for "one more miracle". We have tried the adoption route for almost 7 years and have recently changed directions. We are now down this road travelled by many, IF Blvd. 3 diui's, one BFN, two BFP and two heatbreaking miscarriages later we are at a crossroad ... do we try just one more time? Come along for the ride, be sure to have your tables in the upright position and your seatbelt firmly secured ... it is sure to be a bumpy ride.


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